Cruel to be kind
by Sapphire1112
Summary: One shot set in series 21 after the punch. Nikki tries to get through the walls Jack's put up between them. I do not own the characters.


**Jack**

"Look you guys, I'm sorry that I went quiet and had no contact with you." I hear Nikki say. "It wasn't easy after Mexico, and I couldn't cope with talking to you two when I couldn't talk to Jack."

I was on my way to the viewing room as I left a dirty mug in there earlier, but I didn't bank on the three of them being in there. _Obviously_ , now I'm going to adapt my original plan. I'll have to leave the dirty mug until later – and risk getting told off by Thomas.

I should really go back to the office before they see me. Thomas and Clarissa have their backs to me at present, but all Nikki has to do is move to the right of where she is currently standing – and then she will see me. That would be bad. I can't afford her to catch me eavesdropping – she will go ballistic after my recent behaviour. Unfortunately for me, my attention is entirely caught by the conversation.

"Why couldn't you speak to Jack?" Thomas asks.

Up to now, the other two members of the team have assumed that Nikki _chose_ not to have contact with any of us while she was on leave – and I've just gone along with it. However, I very much fear that they're about to discover the truth.

"It wasn't by choice, Thomas." Nikki informs him – thus putting me into everyone's bad books. "He completely ignored my calls - and the messages I left."

"Why would he do that?" Clarissa comments. "He spent _hours_ looking for you in Mexico."

"Yes." Nikki agrees. "He did – but he didn't find me and that's the problem. I confronted him down at the quarry. He feels guilty because he couldn't save me."

"He saved Louisa – and _loads_ of other people." Thomas points out.

I stare at the floor. They don't understand. No one understands. I don't care about saving the others. I didn't save Nikki.

"I don't think he cares about that." Nikki informs them. "He only cares that he didn't save me."

I look up again in surprise. Maybe Nikki does understand.

"I thought things were better after we talked down at the quarry." She continues. "But then Brian Hawke punched me – and I think Jack blames himself for that to. I was trying to stop them fighting."

I stare down at the floor again. She knows me so well. More like she was trying to stop me from killing him, though. I wasn't fully in control of my emotions during that case, and when he started to run, I just saw red. It didn't clear until Nikki tried to pull me off him – and then I saw her on the ground. At first, I thought that my elbow had hit her by accident and I felt so sick. With hindsight, I remember Hawke directing a punch at her – something both she and Hawke corroborated later. It was all thanks to Nikki and Hawke's partner-in-crime that I didn't get arrested for punching the man. I was defending Nikki – first because he threatened her with a power tool. Gwen, I think was very shocked when Hawke threatened Nikki – and she told the police he had every intention harming her. Then after he punched Nikki, he was going back for another go and I had to knock him out to get him away from her. I was defending her, but that doesn't make _me_ feel any better.

If it was up to me, they would have locked me up – I tried to protect Nikki and I failed. She still got taken in Mexico to make me do what Eva wanted. I still didn't find her when she was missing – and she still got punched by Hawke, so what use am I.

" _Jack!_ "

I look up and see Nikki looking straight at me – her eyes flashing angrily. Shit, she caught me. I turn on my heel and hurry back to the office like a frightened rabbit.

"Right, I'm going to sort this out – once and for all!" She yells after me. Shit that woman can yell.

I grab my coat off the back of my desk chair - nearly taking the chair with me in my haste, because my coat gets stuck and I nearly fall backwards. I head for the door as her storming footsteps grow louder.

" _Jack, stop._ " She fumes.

I should have left my coat – then she wouldn't have caught me.

"Sit down." She instructs.

I turn to her, staring at the floor - and remain rooted to the spot. Nikki losing her temper in Mexico was nothing compared to this. She's fucking scary.

" _Sit down._ " She repeats loudly – in a commanding tone, though it's not as spiky as it was.

Thomas and Clarissa come in - as back-up, to ensure that no blood is spilled, but at this point, I'm not sure whether the back-up is for me or Nikki. I decide it's best to do what the latter tells me.

"Sorry." I mumble nervously and obediently go back to my desk. I sit down, still refusing to look at her.

There's a short silence before she speaks. "We are going to sort this out, Jack." She announces quietly. " _Now._ "

I look up, unnerved by her sudden change in temperament. Now I know what the silence was for. She was gathering her temper – calming down. "I-I-I...need to go home." I stammer.

 **Nikki**

I was so angry with him, but when he said 'sorry' and sat back down, he looked so vulnerable – and he looked scared. It's a shocking look for him, and unbecoming of a tall, muscley cage-fighter. I don't want him to be scared of me.

My anger just melted, and after taking a deep breath, I take a softer approach with him. I ignore his remark about needing to go home – he can't go now, but I don't want to force him to stay either. I want him to choose to stay.

 **Jack**

"I don't blame you for what happened in Mexico."

She's said it before – and she never _has_ blamed me. It's me who blames myself. Nevertheless, hearing her say that is like music to my ears, every time. I guess my heart wants her forgiveness, even if I don't think I deserve it.

"You did everything in your power to find me." She continues. "You're not _superman_ , Jack. No one could have found me with the information you had. No one."

I don't say anything and she crouches in front of me to force me to make eye contact. I automatically try to look away.

"Jack." She sighs. "I didn't die in Mexico. I fought to stay alive and get back home, but now that I'm here, I'm starting to wonder what the point of fighting so hard was because you ignored me while I was on leave and now that I'm back, you can't even look at me. Would you have preferred to bring my body back in a coffin, like we did with Leo?"

I have to look at her then, because I'm met with the most awful images of what could have been. I have to look at her to reassure myself that she's alive. "No, don't say that, that's horrible." I mumble tearfully.

"I'm sorry." She says quietly. "But you have been pretty much acting as though I did die."

"I'm sorry." I mutter. "I'm really sorry."

"I know." She agrees. "You need to stop blaming yourself. Eva put me in the box, not you. And the punch..." Nikki adds, standing up. "That wasn't your fault either."

I can't stop now – I've begun to doubt myself again and I have to be sure. "I know that's what you told the police..." I mumble, feeling as though I'm going to throw up. The images of her lying on the ground with a bloody nose are vividly preying on my mind "But it wasn't Hawke that punched you, was it?"

"What?"

"It was my elbow that hit you."

She stares at me in shock. " _What?_!" She repeats. "No, it wasn't – _of course it wasn't._ "

 **Nikki**

I stare at him in horror. He actually thinks he hit me. No wonder he's been so distant. "Jack, you don't really believe that, do you? Tell me, you don't." I beg him. I crouch down again, when he doesn't answer. "Hawke had my blood on his fist, remember sweetie." I remind him gently. "And there was no blood on the elbow of your shirt – and there would have been, if you had – wouldn't there?" I point out.

"Are you sure?" He murmurs. "I didn't hurt you?"

"I'm perfectly sure, Jack." I tell him firmly. "You could _never_ hurt me, ok?"

He nods and we both stand up, enveloping each other in a hug.

We got there in the end. Sometimes the only way to get through to someone is to be cruel to be kind.


End file.
